Overwatch: Battle Royale, I mean, Apex Legends, stealth launched earlier this month, and was followed soon after by the launch of Tetris 99. Everyone, it seems, is jumping on the Battle Royale bandwagon.
I decided that there were too many opportunities for too many IP to stop now. So, climb aboard, and let’s choose the next big games in Battle Royale.
- Burnout Crash Royale
One hundred cars drop onto an island. Take down your opponents by whatever means available, which includes hitting another car from the left, from the right, from behind, from in front, from above, from below… I think I covered every angle. Literally, every angle, I’m a physicist, trust me.
- Prepare for Titanfall Royale
The team over at Respawn is known for making games starring giant mechs and pilots that can wall run in spectacular fashion. If this team put their heads together, I bet they could make a pretty spectacular entry in the genre.
- Battle Royale Battle Royale
Battle Royale is a classic anime that sadly involves only 42 teenagers being put on an island where they have to fight to the death. The concept bears a striking similarity to the Battle Royale genre, though there are obvious differences, like the number of people involved.
- Left 4 Dead Royale
Been killed? Why jump back to the lobby when you can experience a second life as a flesh eating zombie? The only thing better than killing 100 players once is killing them twice!
- Katamari Damacy ReRoyale
The King of All Cosmos has created 100 polygonal nightmares to Wall-E the world. Build a bigger trash pile than the guy next to you and help solve the world’s looming garbage crisis!
- Pokemon Gym Battle Royale
There are 807 Pokemon in my lovingly compiled Pokedex. Each person gets one assigned at random, and you can make your friends faint through super effective attacks! Lord help whoever gets Metapod…
- Super Mario Battle Broyale
50 Marios and 50 Luigis on Isle Delfino have to take each other out with fireflowers, Tanooki Suits, and FLUDD! Wait, this actually sounds awesome…
- Tom Clancy’s Hawx
The Tom Clancy reboot we have all been waiting for. For once the storm killing you would make sense as the gale force winds would cause your ability to fly in it to diminish rapidly. You have to land on the island to get new weapons and upgrades, but make sure to take off before you’re spotted in the hanger.
- Crackdown on the Battle Royale
When Battle Royale breaks out in New Providence, you are hunting each other, and Terry Crews is hunting you! Only the final player alive has the power to defeat him. But, who are we kidding? No one can beat Terry Crews.
- Super Smash Battle Broyale
Yes, it’s the same pun as above, but it’s hard writing a hundred of these. Let’s be honest, Super Smash Brothers Ultimate already has all the required characters, they just have to ctrl + S, rename, and ship it.
If Dragonball Fighter Z has shown us anything, it is that you can always add more Gokus. The winner gets a dragon ball.
- Far Cry from a Battle Royale
There are 100 outposts each trying to conquer each other.
- Avengers Assemble for a Battle Royale
Are there a hundred Avengers? I mean, who wants to play as Triatholon? Or D-Man? Or Speedball (that’s a joke. Everyone wants to be Speedball, and may Mark Millar burn for what he did to that magnificent man in Civil War).
- Skyrim Versions Battle Royale
Skyrim has been ported to at least fifty devices right? Which version is the best? There is only one way to settle this.
- Dance Dance ReBattlution
I think this is just a dance off. Maybe with punching? Kicking? Footloose theme?
- Bioshock Infinite
There is always a lighthouse, and in each lighthouse there is a battle royale happening.
- Star Wars: BattleFront Royale
An EA Star Wars Battle Royale game that will never actually launch. Even with loot boxes available.
- Star Wars: The Last Jedi Royale
An EA Star Wars game that will launch, but everyone on the internet will be pissed off at the minority characters who are actually totally fine actors doing their jobs.
- Breaking Bad
How many meth users are there in the Albuquerque area? Fight over who gets the last remaining pound of Heisenberg’s product. Bonus skins include teeth falling out, and fancier lighters. Extra red chile. Get that Christmas trash out of here.
- Dream Daddy
There is no way this could possibly work. Everyone in this game is way too nice to try and attack each other. Maybe we need more games with pleasant people in them.
- Facebook Friends
And how do we find those pleasant people? After all, how many of your friends really deserve to be in your exclusive inner circle? Find out when they do battle with each other for the right to see you repost an article about why some politician gets it totally wrong!
Not to be outdone by its bitter rival, one hundred over exposed pictures of food enter and only one with a perfect sepia tone filter remains fit for publishing. Jam that like button.
After the carnage, what could be better than playing a card game designed to be played alone, preferably while weeping?
Tattoo mods for everyone! Winner Winner Ramen Dinner. It’s dinner time. I’ll be back in twenty minutes.
- Kingdom Hearts 4
Not what you might expect, in that there are no Disney Characters here. Just all of the Kingdom Hearts games fighting each other, and the one that wins is the only one you need to play to make sense of the story. Bring it, Dream Drop Distance.
- EA Sports
Get in the game! Every EA sports game for the last twenty years is here to duke it out. The truck stick! The vision cone! Cool soccer tech! Each player has its own physics and animation engine. Good luck to all of you turn of the generation games!
- Farm Together
I know I’ve stopped coming up with clever(?) puns on the names. You try it, I bet you can’t get more than five. It’s not easy. Though I am proud of the Super Mario Broyale. That one is solid.
- Candy Crush
This is exhausting. Did I really promise my editor one hundred of these? How did I think that was a good idea? Surely there is something I could do to shamelessly self-promote at this point.
- Twilight of Ages
Surely, I have a hundred characters in my own novels by now. What’s that? You didn’t know I wrote novels? Go buy them. They are totally worth it. Not biased at all.
- Dawn of Darkness
My other novel. It’s much better. You might actually be able to skip the first one.
- Dreaming of Daylight
My third book which I would be better off writing than continuing this list. I mean, I’ve been working on it for five years. I should just put it out. It’s fine. Why am I holding onto it so tightly? Am I that afraid to let these characters go?
- Iron Lords Podcast Episodes
There are 100 of these now. Don’t ask me what the game play is, I just want to know which of them has the longest Cognito intro.
- Books in the Bible
I’m just naming things that there are a lot of now.
- Piano Keys
The game starts as a symphony, but ends with just a single note. Kind of like this article.
- Middle Earth: Shadow of Are You Still Reading This?
Who has time to read an article about 100 battle royale games? This isn’t even like a Buzzfeed article that will tell you something about your personality at the end.
- Black Friday Battle Royale
Is this too dark? I think this is actually a real thing. Seriously, a hundred dollars off a TV is not worth trampling people. Do I really need to say that?
- Tinder Swipe Left
Here’s how to spice up your love life. You know all those guys that definitely swiped right on you? They all brawl it out and the winner still doesn’t get a date because HE JUST KILLED NINETY NINE OTHER HUMAN BEINGS AND NEEDS TO GO TO PRISON!
- Prison Reform
Speaking of prison, man our criminal justice system in the U.S. is messed up right? Go look into it. Become politically active and affect real change in the world.
39-99. Other Things
Spend one minute for each of the sixty items I skipped, on the phone, talking (not texting) to a loved one. Seriously, the time you would have spent reading those items would be better served reconnecting with a family member or dear friend you haven’t heard from in awhile. You will feel so much better about your life.
- Any Game But Destiny
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