A Vigil Run in the Darkness

I have a rendezvous with Death

At some disputed barricade,

When Spring comes back with rustling shade

And apple-blossoms fill the air—

I have a rendezvous with Death

When Spring brings back blue days and fair.

It may be he shall take my hand

And lead me into his dark land

And close my eyes and quench my breath—

It may be I shall pass him still.

I have a rendezvous with Death

On some scarred slope of battered hill,

When Spring comes round again this year

And the first meadow-flowers appear.

God knows ’twere better to be deep

Pillowed in silk and scented down,

Where Love throbs out in blissful sleep,

Pulse nigh to pulse, and breath to breath,

Where hushed awakenings are dear

But I’ve a rendezvous with Death

At midnight in some flaming town,

When Spring trips north again this year,

And I to my pledged word am true,

I shall not fail that rendezvous.

– Alan Seeger, A Treasury of War Poetry (1917)

We are not strangers to death. Everyone knows someone who has passed on from this life to whatever it is that comes next. Death is not unique to any race or creed or belief. It is the great equalizer of all humankind. How we deal with death though, is an intensely personal endeavor. Here at Lords of Gaming, we experienced a tragic death in our gaming family last week. Amidst the outpouring of community support, the hundreds of tweets and comments on our live stream, one comment stood out to me, by Twitter user and twitch streamer Kristopher a.k.a. Nightpiercer.

Curious, I reached out to him to find out more. The following contains excerpts from an interview conducted with Nightpiercer that has been lightly edited.

What is a Vigil Run?

Nightpiercer refers to himself as a writer, worldbuilder, Destiny lore scholar, and active member of the Destiny community. He has been streaming since Destiny 1 and been doing vigil runs since December 2019. A vigil run is a solo completion of the Shattered Throne, a three-player dungeon in Destiny 2, completed in honor of the life of a member of the Destiny community who has passed away. Though he did confess he has also done vigil runs for some people outside the Destiny community such as Kobe and Gianna Bryant and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It is an odd grouping, to be sure. The run is oftentimes completed in armor or shader set the player favored, and Nightpiercer will read lore relevant to the person who has passed. He wants these to feel personal even though Nightpiercer never knew many of the people he does vigil runs for personally. In fact, his first-ever vigil run was done for someone, Leaiayrah also known as @ihaveasushicat, he had never even heard of before her death.

Dying in the digital age is different than in the past. Our social media accounts, youtube channels, written works live beyond us. This was previously the privilege of only the wealthiest in society. We are now connected to people across the world. In the past, a funeral or a wake would be attended by close friends, family, and perhaps coworkers. While we still have that intimacy, we also see death dealt with in other ways, by tweeting about it or posting on a Facebook wall, or a youtube live stream, or in this case, a vigil run. Nightpiercer told me that when he saw the response to Leaiayrah’s passing, he felt compelled to do something more.

I wanted to do more than just leave a comment to be lost beneath the ebb and flow of the Internet somewhere.

The idea of a vigil run was born.

Death and Rebirth

The Shattered Throne is a descent into the ruined world of the Queen of the Awoken, Mara Sov, in order to defeat Dûl Incaru, the Eternal Return. Like many of Destiny‘s missions, the true story of the Shattered Throne lies beneath the surface. The Shattered Throne mission deals with the cycle of violence, Dûl Incaru is not called the Eternal Return for nothing. In fact, she is aware of the Guardian killing her over and over again as part of a cycle of death and rebirth. It is a powerful metaphor when paired with the idea of completing the run as a memorial to a fallen player.

Death and rebirth are a part of virtually every major religion. Whether that rebirth occurs here on Earth as in the case of Hinduism and Buddhism or is a spiritual rebirth to a different plane of existence as is in the case of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. I asked Nightpiercer if this idea resonated with him when considering his choice of mission.

What I find to be the most valide perspective is many religions regard death to be a sacred and communal experience, both spirtually, where one’s spirit has left their body, bund for an afterlife or to manifest as something new; and physicallly where loss serves as a reminder of our short time in this world, and we ought to cherish and live it in order to become the best versions of ourselves possible.

The Metaphor of the Shattered Throne

It was neither Dûl Incaru nor Mara Sov whom Nightpiercer found to be the more compelling metaphor. Instead, he turned to a more minor character, Sjur Eido. Sjur Eido’s soul is trapped in a statue in the Shattered Throne. She was the queen’s right hand and lover while she was alive, and now in death lives on as a disembodied spirit. It might seem an odd choice that a vigil run, which is about seeking closure, would choose a character with no closure to be his muse.

I think it’s important to bring up an important character in the Shattered Throne…Sjur Eido… Sjur tells the player [that] she will find her way home-implying that she is actively looking to return to life.

This hopeful message resonated throughout my conversation with Nightpiercer. These vigils are not for him. They are a chance to reach out and provide an outlet for other’s grief, which is not something that we have a lot of in Western society. In America, we are constantly pushed forwards, onwards and upwards. Slow down and you will be left behind. Work harder, work faster, work smarter. But now more than ever, allowing ourselves time to process the collective trauma we have been through is critically important for our mental health.

A Shameless in Expression of Feelings

One thing that struck me while talking to Nightpiercer was the genuine concern that he showed throughout his responses for the people who are grieving.

In my mind I see them (vigil runs) as…a memorial to honor the person who passed away; a celebration of thier life, and the lives of those who partake in it; and a farewell from the bereaved to the fallen; hopefully giving someone a measure of peace.

Streamers thrive on their communities. We love watching the hijinks, accomplishments, highs and lows that our favorite online personalities go through on a daily basis. We build a connection to those people through an oftentimes one-sided engagement. When most streamers talk about giving to their community. It is most often giving of their time, attention, or a financial donation. Nightpiercer, on the other hand, hopes that he is giving something far different: an avenue to grieve.

To me these vigils represent the chance to reach out and help others. That seems easy to say, but the reason I talk about these words, like empathy and grieving, so often is because today, especially in the US and with the pandemic, they’re not as prevalent. It really is vital that people be okay with being shameless in expressing those feelings as a positive step to improving thier mental health….We’re not meant to shoulder everything on our own. I believe these vigils can start positive change for those looking to get back on their feet.

The Cost of the Pandemic

The pandemic has hit the world hard. Dizzy, our COO had finished cancer treatments last year, and this last week Covid took him away too young. He is one of 2.6 million people who have been killed by the disease. It is a tragedy of staggering proportions that the more you think about, the more weighty it becomes. It is hard to grieve when we are still in the heart of so much suffering. Even with the vaccine being rolled out at a breakneck pace, it feels like we are holding our breath. We are hoping desperately to make it to the finish line where we can hold our loved ones without fear again. But we have to grieve. Holding in pain and sadness just makes the hurt linger.

Last week, I sat on a memorial live stream and watched hundreds of comments roll in with people expressing their love and sadness at the passing of Dizzy. It was a staunch reminder of the true blessing of the Internet. The ability to find and build communities of people separated by vast geographic distances. These communities are support structures in times of need and it is easy to forget amongst the snark and the sarcasm and the console wars and the vitriol that at the end of the day, we are all humans. I want to leave you with a phrase stolen from one of my favorite internet personalities, Jeff Cannata. At the end of his weekly DND show, he tells his audience: Humankind, Be Both. As I sit here, a week removed from Kevin’s death with tears in my eyes over the kindness of strangers like Nightpiercer, I just want to reiterate one more time.

Humankind, Be Both.

Nightpiercer’s vigil run for Dizzy will take place on Wednesday, March 10th at 10 am CST on twitch.tv/Nightpiercer

If you would like to view our tribute to Dizzy, it can be found here. If you would like to donate to his family, you can do so here. We thank you for any donations made.

Joshua Reding

I am the former Editor in Chief of Lords of Gaming. I write about the philosophical underpinnings of video games, and narrative structures. Occasionally, I publish a novels in my ongoing series, The Heart Quest Saga.

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What is a Vigil Run?

Death and Rebirth

The Metaphor of the Shattered Throne

A Shameless in Expression of Feelings

The Cost of the Pandemic

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